The Metallica List: Metallica’s albums ranked from worst to best. (preview)

Metallica is my Napoleon Dynamite. It's brilliant at what it does, and it's really easy for me to “throw it on”. Metallica is the ultimate “throw it on” Heavy Metal band.

I’ve had the itch lately. The itch to make another album ranking post.

It’s been a little over a year since I finished my David Bowie album ranking series. As fun as that was, it ended up being a pretty hefty ordeal. That’s probably why I haven’t been too keen to try it again. But I LOVE reading people’s album rankings for bands and artists. It was only a matter of time before the time felt right, and the itch took over.

Enter… The Metallica List: Metallica’s albums ranked from worst to best.

My relationship with Heavy Metal music is pretty strange. It hits me in waves. For maybe 3 months out of the year—not consecutively, mind you—I will absolutely entrench myself in Heavy music. During those times, Metallica is always a staple.

Are they my favorite Metal band?

It’s tough to say. There are many great Metal bands that I might think I like more. But the unequivocal truth of the matter is, I listen to Metallica more than any other Metal band.

Do you have anything like that?

Maybe you tell people that Citizen Kane is your favorite movie of all time, but you don’t watch that movie more than you watch Happy Gilmore or Napoleon Dynamite. Metallica is my Napoleon Dynamite. It's brilliant at what it does, and it's really easy for me to “throw it on”. Metallica is the ultimate “throw it on” Heavy Metal band. Their music is both brilliant and easy to listen to. Maybe that’s why they’re easily the biggest heavy band ever.

(Image from 1991 concert “Monsters in Moscow” where Metallica performed to a sea of people at Tushino Airfield)

Unfortunately, however, I’ve been speaking of Metallica generally. It might not surprise you to learn that in their 40+ year career and 12 studio albums, there are more than a few Metallica albums that are not easy listens. This takes us to the 12th spot on the list

12. Lulu (2011)

Lulu might be Metallica’s most infamous record. Because of its reputation, I avoided this album for a LONG time. Even after hearing some points made by contrarians that Lulu is actually really interesting and has some kind of avant-garde value, I still couldn’t bring myself to throw it on. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Lou Reed. And I’m not opposed to weird music. But when I want to listen to Metallica, I don’t want it to be challenging or experimental. I don’t want it to be weird. I want it to get me amped! I want to enjoy tight riffs, maybe head-bang a little. I don’t need Lou Reed talk singing over mid Metallica instrumentals.

To be fair, I will give it to the contrarians that this album is at least interesting. And who knows? Maybe it’ll catch me in the right mood and I’ll come around on it. At the end of the day, even though it sucks, I’m still glad this ridiculous record exists. At a stage in their career where they could’ve just coasted, stopped experimenting or taking risks, Metallica decided to do something truly weird. I applaud them for that.

(To be continued…)